What is this feeling that so consumes me?
by RoseScor90
Summary: She can't stand the sight of him; he can't bear to even look at her face.   They can never be together, yet they can't survive apart. Sometimes, the one person you can't live with is the one you can't live without. A tale of love and hate, riding together
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not JK…

A/n: My first ever attempt at a Draco/Ginny; hope I don't mess up majorly. I'm dedicating it to Mad (chasingafterstarlight) for her birthday; Mad is a wonderful writer but the only person who doesn't know it is herself. She's nice and kind and understanding and genuine but more than anything else, she is a great friend who has been there for me through a lot and is one of the people I can honestly say is as close to me as my RL friends. I know your birthday was a week ago, Mad but I wanted to write you a pairing that we both ship and love and since we seem to be the only NGFs who love them, I thought you'd like it :) Sorry I couldn't finish it on time but I swear I won't make you wait more than a month!

Chapter 1: An unexpected Guest

Ginny Weasley was, more than anything, annoyed. Annoyed with the world, annoyed with her parents, annoyed with her whole family, annoyed with Harry, annoyed with even herself, but more than anything else, annoyed with Draco Malfoy. _It was all his fault, she thought with fury_. When in doubt, always blame the Malfoy; her father's words from long ago came to mind uncomfortably but she pushed it aside. She wasn't being unreasonable; she was perfectly justified in thinking that Draco Malfoy was the root cause for all her problems; the sole reason for her failure in life.

The war had changed the wizarding world more than it would ever recognize; the sudden and complete lack of something to fear, something to fight against had made everyone go bloody bonkers; Ginny thought with distaste. Why was the world suddenly devoid of any emotion other than love? Ginny swore colorfully under her breath; what happened to friendship, family and all that jazz? Why did everyone around her suddenly want to fall in bloody love?

Placing the butterbeer in her hand on the table with a thump, Ginny rose from the bar and with a final wave to Hannah, who owned the pub, walked out. Maybe the fresh air would clear her head. Even Hannah, Ginny remembered sourly, was dating Neville. Neville, who was the most awkward, social-disaster-on-two-feet person in the world. Ginny shook her head to clear the bitter thoughts; Neville was her close friend and deserved every happiness life could give. It was just she, Ginny Weasley, who didn't; her mind stubbornly focused back on her disappointment.

After the war, Ginny had been in no state to think of herself; her family was teetering towards the edge of the cliff. Everyone had someone to mourn and it made them careless with words and the easy love that had flowed in the family frosted over. Fights and accusations became the norm rather than the exception and it fell to her to maintain the peace and keep her family from estranging themselves from each other. Though she didn't like boasting, Ginny would honestly say that she achieved the objective but it left her little to no time for herself; she had her own mourning to do but her family…Ginny never got around to it, till date.

Ginny shook her head to dispel the thoughts of the early days after the war; it had been a nightmare, yes. But nightmares always ended; she had woken up long ago. But Ginny had realised that she hadn't merely gotten over the pain of losing people; her ability to love, to belong was gone too. People from her past made her cringe; reminded her of too many things she wished to forget. She always saw the angry shouting faces, not the smiling adoring ones before that; it seemed so long ago; a lifetime before.

Deciding to take her time off, Ginny had resolutely made herself try out for the Holyhead Harpies. She had been the unbeaten Chaser for them for three years; their youngest player, before she had left. She had gotten to a stage where if she had been asked to sign one more autograph, she'd have picked her hairs out. Too many people; too many resemblances. She had left the wizarding world entirely for almost six months, hiding in Muggle London, even living in France (with indirect, unappreciated help from her sister-in-law) for a bit. The entirely new surroundings and people excited her and she was even able to forget her past to an extent; the only person from it she allowed in was Gabrielle, Fleur's sister. Gabrielle had been stubborn and intruding and bold and an endearing friend when she had badly needed one. Her outlandish manners and easy temper had brought Ginny out of the grave shell she had made for herself. Ginny couldn't regret a minute of her stay with her; she had soon begun looking forward to her company and Gabrielle was too cheerful and funny for anyone to hate, she had discovered. She almost forgot that she had a life back in England. Only for a while, as always; soon the homesickness began to nibble at her and she even began dreaming of her mother's cooking and everytime she smelt a soup boiling, she thought of her mother with longing. Any boisterous laugh sounded like her brother's. Every Muggle object she saw around her reminded her of her father's fascination with them. She saw Hermione in every book shop and Harry's face on every bespectacled person.

It didn't take her long to pack her stuff and return home; the only thing she regretted was Gabrielle, who held onto her like a child would with its mother. She even reconsidered, looking at Gabrielle's lost face; she wasn't sure how she would be greeted, either. But the doubt didn't linger for long and she did return, one day. In her absence, the wizarding world had undergone a lot of change. The perpetual despair that hung in the air was gone; even the sadness that had lingered had disintegrated, a cheerful aura engulfing its place. Nobody seemed to be worried about family members being late; they wouldn't end up dead or missing now. Most of all, she found that in her absence, her family had managed to grow stronger and closer and hadn't crumbled. Her worst fears rendered purposeless, Ginny was surprised to see that even Percy had become an integral part of the family. Wary at first about how she would be received, Ginny was delighted to see that nothing had changed; not her family who greeted her with the same warmth that she had grown up with, not her friends who merely slapped her before embracing her; everything was the same. Everything, everything, except Harry.

Ginny didn't blame him to date; she knew it was insensible to have expected him to wait for her for this long. Even if he had, which Ginny knew was more than possible, she wasn't sure she would have gone back to dating him. She considered Harry second to none but she knew without a doubt now that he wasn't for her. She had changed; the years after the war and the isolation had taught her, if nothing else, her own worth. While she might have been happy to live in a relationship where she'd always be protected and pampered before, she couldn't help but shudder a little at it now. She wasn't compromising herself for anything, she told herself firmly.

But she couldn't accept the fact that Harry had a girlfriend either. She had accepted earlier that part of it was her own concerns for him. There had been a long line of girls waiting for him after the war but Ginny knew she would be foolish if she even considered Astoria Greengrass that way. Sadly, right after her first meeting with her, Ginny knew she was perfect for Harry in a way she never would have been…

"_Astoria this is…" Astoria cut Harry's introduction short with a wave of her hand. Grinning at her disarmingly, Astoria literally flew into her and Ginny would have been thrown back if __Astoria hadn't been so light. Being hugged this tightly, by a stranger, was a foreign feeling to Ginny and it took her a minute to hug her back. Drawing back, Astoria observed Ginny's face intently and then turned to Harry, "Now I see."_

_Lifting her eyebrow at Harry, Ginny was distracted by Astoria's next words, "Harry told me when we first met that he couldn't bear to be away from you; that he missed you like hell. I didn't believe him then, but I've heard so much about you and now that I've finally gotten to see you, I think he was understating things a bit."_

_Shocked, Ginny took sometime to recover enough to ask, "You…You've heard about me?" she asked incredulously._

"_Show me someone who hasn't heard about Ginevra Weasley," Astoria replied easily, adding in a mysterious voice, "And I have sources you won't even imagine about."_

_Grinning now, Ginny couldn't help but be impressed by Astoria; she was so striking and jovial Ginny found it impossible not to like her, "So did you fly into Harry the first time you met him too?" she asked with a wicked smirk, but Astoria flushed lightly._

"_Actually, I was quite drunk and I bumped into him, spilling all my Butterbeer over him," she admitted with a bashful smile, exchanging glances with Harry._

_Ignoring the light pang in her heart at the shared look, Ginny inquired, "Care to elaborate or shall I assume myself?"_

_Collecting himself, Harry said in a frightened voice, "You'd better tell her, Tori. Ginny has the vividest imagination I've seen."_

_Chuckling, Astoria had elaborated the tale to her in her own flamboyant manner, making Ginny laugh all through the evening. When they had parted for the night, it hadn't been without a promise to meet again. Despite her firm resolution to dislike her, Ginny found herself raring to meet Astoria again and she was able to think about her and Harry without flinching, which was surprising. Wasn't she supposed to be still in love with him?_

Ginny sighed as she recounted their history; it wasn't all that romantic, but it had been the base for such a strong relationship. _But what about me?_ Ginny wondered; where did this leave her? She knew she hadn't forgotten Harry completely; she doubted she ever could. So what did she do now?

_Blame Malfoy_ the answer came easily and promptly. It was he who hadn't been able to hold onto his fiancée after all. _A woman as vibrant as Astoria with the emotionless ferret?_ Ginny knew she would have saved Astoria from the fate at any cost. No-one deserved punishment like that. But he, unknowingly or not, had destroyed her life. Ginny couldn't reason how, but she was sure that Draco Malfoy had pulled the strings leading to it.

And now they were getting married; _married_. And Ginny was going to be one of the bridesmaids. How fabulous! Ginny giggled incoherently, the alcohol starting to show its effects. There would be lots of pink and flowers and tears and food and music and dancing and wine and…and where would she be? Hiding behind a curtain crying?

_No_ she wouldn't be that weak; she wouldn't ride a dragon into the tent to spoil the wedding either; she wouldn't do anything unreasonable. She would just yell at Malfoy to make herself feel better. In her drunken stupor, Ginny spun around and felt herself landing in snow before she lost conscious. _How did snow suddenly appear on the front door of her apartment?_

A/n: Qualm a little girl's doubts about her writing? Please?


	2. The Unwanted Guest

Disclaimer: Not JK…

A/n: And the second chapter is here much faster than I'd planned! Yay for me! Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it!

Chapter 2: The Unwanted Guest

"Ginny, Ginevra!" an unfamiliar deep voice was calling out to her; but Ginny couldn't open her eyes. She tried to lift her hands but a stinging pain near her shoulder made her stop. She tried to at least let the voice know that she was awake, but something seemed to have clogged her throat. She coughed lightly to clear it up, and felt a sudden warmth beside her, placing a hand on her forehead and muttering a few choice words under its breath. She didn't realize that she had been chuckling until the faceless figure muttered, "I don't see what's funny about apparating drunk and almost splinching herself off."

_Splinching?_ Was that why her right hand was pounding with agony? Startled at her own careless actions, Ginny moved to sit up and might have managed a few inches before her strength gave out and she slumped back on the bed. Straining with all her might, Ginny concentrated on opening her eyes and got a blinding flash of a room's ceiling before they closed of their own accord, unable to take the brightness. Her eyelids were red from the light falling on it and she cringed at the intensity.

As if sensing her discomfort, the light suddenly dimmed; Ginny thanked the person, whoever it was, silently. She blinked her eyes a few times to get used to the light; it was dimmer than before. When she finally opened them fully, what she saw startled her. A face, unusually handsome and concerned, was staring at her with a combination of exasperation, anger, worry, relief and amusement. Ginny stared wordlessly for a few minutes at the pair of grey eyes before she closed them; a gasp escaped her lips. She felt the warmth spontaneously disappear so she knew what had happened. Struggling again, Ginny managed to open her eyes this time without blinding herself. She saw a tall, lean, shadowy figure hovering above her. Even through the dark, she could see the anxiety reflecting in those stormy grey eyes; grey eyes that had been glinting with mirth a few minutes ago; grey…oh shit!

This time she was able to sit up completely and the pain on her arm seemed to be nothing compared to what her mind was telling her she had done. _Had she…?_

"Don't worry; you're safely inside Malfoy Manor and your wound will heal within the hour if you would rest," the same soothing voice spoke again but this time, it made her panic rather than calm down. She knew this voice from long ago; but it had never sounded quite this toned down before; it had never lacked malice.

"_Safe?_ Since when did the Malfoy Manor become a safe haven?" her snide words slipped out before she could help it; even in disorientation, her mind couldn't fathom the fact. Nor could she believe that she was in here, and she still hadn't spotted even one Dark object.

Observing around her, Ginny saw that the room was pretty simply furnished. Granted most of the things seemed elegant and expensive, but there was no sign of the extravagance that Hermione had described in detail to her. Confused and wondering if she was still unconscious and dreaming, Ginny looked at the form standing in front of her.

There was no mistaking who it was, though. Or the slight frown that made a straight line between his brows, or the rigidly folded hands that signified his current mood; irritation. "If you trusted the place so much, why did you…" he stopped himself halfway; Ginny had no doubts that if he had said what he had thought, it would have been pretty biting.

She could hear his breathing strain as he tried to calm himself. A few minutes later, she heard him take a few steps towards her but she resolutely kept her face turned towards the curtains that now covered the windows and were blowing lightly in the breeze. Outside, she could see a mild snowfall; so that was why she had felt snow before she had fainted. It seemed like the perfect background for a winter wonderland painting; and he seemed like the apt foreground. One of the worst rumors she had heard about the Manor was that it resembled Hogwarts' Dungeons, but Ginny couldn't spot the resemblance in any corner of the airy and bright room.

"Look, I know we have a …history with our families but you were hurt when you apparated onto the porch and I couldn't just kick you out," Draco said fiercely; recollecting his own words, he amended, "Not that I would have been so rude otherwise, but there wasn't anything I could do. If I'd contacted any of your friends or family…well, you know the results better than I do."

That she did; people would definitely think she had been taken hostage. Who would believe that she had come her of her own volition when even she couldn't find a sensible reason herself? When he asked her the same question, she invented one on the spot, saying, "I suppose I had been thinking of you when I apparated and it brought me here by mistake. But, don't you have anti-apparition wards?"

"You were thinking of me?" Draco asked disbelievingly, his left eyebrow rising so high she thought it would merge with his hair. Now that she noticed, she saw that his hair wasn't slicked back like normal; it was floating around in the breeze, a few locks touching his eyebrows. He didn't seem to realize it and Ginny had a sudden, insane urge to push it back. She folded her hands lest they betray her as she listened to him, "Why, may I know?"

"You still haven't answered my question," Ginny replied stubbornly and she thought she saw a flash of humor in his eyes before it was completely wiped off. She thought he'd retort back with a snarky remark; it was his usual after all. But it seemed the day was full of surprises.

With a sigh, Draco dragged a chair to the side of her bed and sat, crossing his legs at the ankles casually. Leveling her with a patient look, he said, "We don't have wards because there is no-one I am afraid of being attacked by. Is that enough?" Ginny nodded, lost in thought. She had completely forgotten about his question and blinked for a moment when he asked her to answer it.

"I was thinking of you because…" not knowing any easy way to answer the question, Ginny broke the ice with an exclamation, "Astoria and Harry are getting married!" If she had expected a stunned reaction or at least a flicker of surprise, she was disappointed.

Draco nodded mutely, replying to her expletive as if what she had said was the most obvious thing in the world, "Yes, I do know they are; your point is?" Stunned into silence, it took Ginny a few minutes before she collected herself enough to ask without sounding rude.

"But…weren't you and Astoria engaged once?" Even now, Ginny wasn't sure she hadn't sounded impolite and nosy. It wasn't like her to be so interested in other people's business but, she argued with herself, this wasn't entirely his, it concerned her as well.

Draco nodded the same way he had before; even her snoopy words didn't seem to have affected him; if anything, she thought he was amused by her abrupt statements. He ran a hand through his hair casually, pushing the disobedient locks back impatiently as he looked her in the eye. Ginny averted her eyes to the window; his eyes seemed to have questions of their own, questions she wasn't sure she would be able to answer as complacently as he had, "Yes we were but if you had forgotten, that was a few years ago and we both broke the engagement by mutual consent." Ginny couldn't decide which surprised her more; the reason he said or the fact that Malfoy was even answering her.

"I suppose; I mean, I did hear about that, but don't you feel…." Ginny's voice trailed off, not knowing how to phrase her question; any angle seemed hurting and much as she disliked Malfoy, she wasn't ungrateful enough to be his guest and insult him. But she needn't have been so concerned, for the screen between them seemed to fall the instant she had opened her mouth.

"What I feel or don't feel is none of your concern, Weasley," the old Malfoy she had known was back, frozen mask and cold tone intact. Huffing in frustration, Ginny settled back on the bed, wondering how long it would take for her to recover enough to get out of here.

A few minutes passed in silence; Ginny sat waiting for him to say something, or at least leave her alone; which was what he did when he stood up and with a defeated sigh said, "Weasley, I think it would be safe for you to head home in…two hours approximately. I'll be in the Hall if you need anything."

He walked out of the room without another word or even a backward glance. Though she knew she had no reason to expect anything more, Ginny felt oddly deprived. Left to herself in the room, Ginny had nothing to do but look around. A few minutes later a house elf came in, carrying a heap of books, almost stumbling over the carpet. Ginny stood to help the elf but it stopped her, placing the books on the table beside her bed. " asked me to give them to you," it replied respectfully, walking out without bowing to her, which was strange behavior for an elf.

Wondering about it, Ginny opened the first book and after a few minutes, lost any thought about the Elf in the book which was quite engaging. Granted, it was slightly leaning towards the Dark Arts but given whose books these where, Ginny thought it was acceptable. She even had a slight suspicion that Malfoy had taken care to choose them for her; she immediately corrected herself. Why would he waste time on her? She, who was so clearly an unwanted intrusion in his day.

"Miss," hearing the Elf's slightly elevated voice Ginny looked up, startled that she hadn't paid attention. She had been too immersed in her musings about Malfoy and his confusing behaviors for a good while now. It was merely because she was in his house, she told herself confidently. "Yes?" she asked with a small smile; the elf was quite cute, now that she took the time to look at its face. Probably very young, she decided, "What's your name?"

"Misty, Ma'am. I work for Mister Mal…Draco," the elf corrected herself quickly and Ginny was surprised; she'd never have imagined Malfoy to be the kind of person who would give an elf the room to call him by his name. "I've been here since Draco was very little, Ma'am," the elf declared proudly; Ginny could see that the little elf considered it one of its biggest accomplishments. Ginny refrained from commenting on it; better to keep her opinions about Malfoy to herself, at least until she walked out of his house.

"Was there something you wanted to ask me, Misty?" Ginny asked kindly; she had always nursed a soft spot for House Elves, ever since she had heard about Dobby. A pang of pain struck her heart even now; she had loved the elf who had been loyal to death to Harry; an elf who had belonged to the Malfoys and they had treated him so poorly; and had ultimately killed him. Though the Trio declared otherwise, Ginny could never agree that it was Bellatrix; she never differentiated between the insane Death Eater and the Malfoys; they were two peas in a pod, as far as she was concerned.

The Elf flushed, if elves could do that, and sent a hesitant look towards the door; alternating between staring at its fingers and at the window. A doubt arose in Ginny's mind, "Misty, if you want my help with something, don't hesitate to ask. I'll do anything I could to help you; even if it means getting you out of here," Ginny offered sincerely, her assumptions about Malfoy convincing her that that was what the elf wanted to ask her.

"No! I won't get out of here! I won't go! If this is one of Master's tricks…I won't, I won't, I won't!" the elf held its ears close to its face, shaking its head as if Ginny's words had mortally wounded it. Ginny stood up from the bed and hurried to the elf's side, kneeling before it.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you. I just thought you wanted to be free; I'm sorry," the elf looked up at Ginny, tears clogging its vision, surprising Ginny; what could be so dear to this Elf in this place which must surely hold memories of pain and punishment? The elf shook its head miserably; its next words made Ginny's eyes widen in shock.

"I'm already free," it replied in a miserable voice, as if freedom was a prison it had been locked up in.

"You are? Then…then what is it that you're so shy to ask me?" Ginny asked, more confused than concerned now. She placed a hand on the elf's shoulder to reassure it.

A few minutes later, Misty looked up at Ginny and said in an intermittent voice, "Master…Draco…accompany you out…won't come…"

Ginny could guess what the elf meant from its half said words and though it annoyed her that Malfoy had successfully found another way to humiliate her, she knew it was a wise decision. She had recovered well enough in the past few hours but she wasn't ready for another encounter with him; her mind was already filled with worries about how she was going to deal with what was to come; the obvious wedding. She didn't need a reminder of it in the form of Malfoy's face. Of course, Malfoy would have entirely different reasons for avoiding her, she thought viciously.

"Shall we leave?' Ginny asked, pulling herself away from the bleak elf and walking behind it to the entrance. Suitably assured that it wouldn't have to vacate the Manor any time soon, Misty became all chatter and gossip, telling her stories of the dark days and how Lord Voldemort had once lived there and how it had been then.

Unknown to her, a figure watched from the balcony facing the entrance as she walked out of the Manor, pausing every now and then to admire the gardens; he had never thought them anything special, but her interest in them seemed to spark his own and everytime she laughed with Misty, he felt it echo in his heart.

Ginny thought she felt someone looking at her, but when she turned around, all she caught was a whiff of a cloak on the top most floor; she couldn't be sure that she hadn't imagined it. Shrugging, she bade Misty goodbye and walked out of the Manor, vowing never to face the arrogant, ill mannered Malfoy ever again.

A/n: I had to make them meet in the very second chapter, yes. Please do review if you liked/dislike the chapter or if you have any idea how I could make the story better!

_Preview:_

_The bell rang and Ginny stood to open the door even before Astoria asked her to. They were in the middle of planning but Astoria was putting aside the important things; it seemed as if she was waiting for someone. Ginny had asked if it was Harry or her own mother but Astoria had declined, saying that it was someone who was very close to her and one who had promised that he'd be there though he was literally bogged down by work. _

_Ginny had chuckled, her curiosity piqued at who it might be; some long lost cousin who didn't know about the estrangement probably, she concluded. Hoping it would be either the cousin or Blaise who must have left something behind again, Ginny opened the door with a welcoming smile. The smile froze on her face as she stared at the visitor; the puzzle pieces of Astoria's words falling into place._

"_What are you doing here?" Draco's harsh voice interrupted her epiphany…_


End file.
